Monday, January 17, 2005

January 15, 2005

Ugh. I now have caught a cold—some nasal stuff and runny nose. But the other stuff seems to have cleared up. I am taking antibiotics. The trip to the Doctor was fine. I went by myself—all the other assistants were nervous for me—but I did just fine. I understood pretty much everything the Doc told me. She thinks that I probably picked up a bug in Morocco.

It is Saturday and I wanted to travel around some, but I decided to take a day of rest for this whole cold thing. Honestly, though, after all that other stuff, this cold is nothing at all. And yes, mother, I’m drinking mint tea.

Anyway, I’m still thinking about what I want to do next year. It is now too late to apply for Graduate school. Fuck. I think I am going to go ahead and just get a Masters. I think UMCP might be a good place to do that. It is a step up from UMBC but it shouldn’t be too hard to get into. After all, they did accept me when I applied in high school for undergraduate. That doesn’t say too much to recommend them, though, does it? I may give them a call and explain to them that I am 1) out of the country and 2) deathly ill. This may be folly on my part, but I honestly don’t see how they couldn’t want me. Just look at everything I’ve done. My scholastic record is decent and my life experiences varied. Really the only thing that I don’t have going for me is my sense of fashion. But how to convey all that to them? Translation: How the hell do I write a statement of purpose without sounding like a complete idiot? I’m afraid my writing style is too informal. Ugh, and I would have to re-write a paper or two to give to them. Maybe I do need another year. But if I take another year, what do I do with that year? Do I try to spend another year in France? Do I go to a different country to teach? Do I come back to the US and get a menial job in someplace like a bookstore and then take night classes in Latin, French, and German? What to do, what to do? And I’m not getting any younger. I am 26 now and I still am nowhere near a career. Bloody fucking hell, I hate having to think about all this. I think I will go and read some now, maybe take a nap. Please post some comments on this—I generally don’t take advice, but I do like to hear it. And who knows, it may actually influence my decision.

Later. 7:41pm

Honestly, whatever. I still haven’t met most of my students at the IUFM--the ones who are supposed to be meeting with me for ten hours. I only have six and a half weeks left to meet with them. I wonder what the hell they are (not) thinking. I send them an e-mail every week, I’ve worked out potential times they can meet with me—I honestly don’t know that I can make it any easier. Maybe I can write my e-mails in French, but as they are all focusing in English, I don’t see that would not be able to understand my communications. I really am trying to make every accommodation I can, short of going to their homes and forcing them to speak with me in English. I do not like teaching like this. This is a joke—a farce of what I really wanted to be doing. At least I have the compensation of being in France. I can go out and do stuff. That is, if I am not deathly ill, which I’ve been for way too long now. I was planning on going to Chambery this weekend—nope. Didn’t happen. I pretty much spent the day in bed, trying to kill some of this cold/illness/flu/stomach thing off. I think it’s a lack of vitamin sun. Or vitamin organization. That is what I am lacking. Vitamin organization.

Speaking of vitamin O, I have received some comments concerning the mess of dates on my ‘blog and the fact that people are not able to comment on everything. So here is the breakdown:

I write all these things in my room, completely unfettered by any line to the outside world. No internet, no telephone, no ability to send up smoke signals. I save them all on the same word file, writing them chronologically. Then, when the document reaches several pages in length, I hobble over to the IUFM, plug my laptop in to the ‘net, and stick them all on one ‘blog entry. ‘Blog entries are normally backward chronological. Because I post the word file at the same time, I have one ‘blog entry that is forward chronological. Because it is all one post (technically) people can only post comments at the absolute end of the entry, not at the end of each date. But, the next ‘blog entry is after the end of the previous ‘blog entry. I know, I know, totally confusing. I am going to start posting these entries separately. That should clear up some of the confusion. But my ‘blog has nothing on the IUFM as far as disorganization is concerned.


At 12:20 AM, Blogger Captain Disgruntled said...

Sorry for bitching about dates. I have such trouble with the whole concept of passage of time anyway...

So, as to your future--just how much money do you need, anyway? Seriously. You've never been responsible for a whole home of your own--is that a big issue/desire for you? Do you aspire to marriage? What sort of community do you want to end up in? How do you feel about teaching? Adults, or young people? How happy are you in an academic setting?
I just thought--even when I was in the Army, I was essentially working in an office (when I wasn't working in the back of an truck, squinting through two layers of lenses in a gas mask trying to make out the line I was scribing while wearing 2 pairs of gloves, but we're not contemplating a career at that). I enjoy some aspects of that--I love office paraphernalia. Staple pullers, and white-out applicators, and all that crap. I personally prefer to have somebody else be in charge. How important is autonomy to you?

And lastly, is your screenplay done yet????

At 8:02 AM, Blogger Ovonia Red said...

Why? Are you going to send it off to Jason Isaacs? Now that you have created yet another JI website, does he owe you a favor?

No, but you were right about the time thing. And you were not the only one bitching about it. I was just being lazy about the whole thing.

About life. I generally say that I live pretty cheaply (translation: I live off my parents). I don't have a house, my car is paid off, and I don't have outstanding debts from college or credit cards (again, this is all pretty much thanks to my parents. Thanks, Mom! Thanks, Dad! Love you!)

I've worked different types of jobs, but I eventually got bored. Or I went insane. Or I went insane because I was bored. I don't like to have other tell me what to do because they are generally stupid. Or disorganized. Or smelly. As a peon, I have what could probably be termed a massive attitude problem. If I were higher up, I would probably be called an out-of-the-box, go-getting, abrasive but dynamic worker with the potential to go far.

I do like teaching. In fact, one of my main complaints about what I am doing now if that I don't get enough teaching time and I am not doing more traditional teaching. One of the best things is that I work directly with the students to assess their needs and I get to pick what I want to teach them. The lack of organization also means a lack of control. Sure, the English teachers here make suggestions, but if I don't like them I just ignore them and nobody knows any better.

And heaven help me, but I also enjoy school. Well, higher education. (Sprog, if you read this, high school is a crock. Even my Mom said that to me while I was in HS.) I like the University setting. I want to be a prof. I know that it is super competitive and I will make absolutely no money, but if Mom ever gets her Phd and gets out of debt maybe she will leave me some money when she dies. Especially if I help her move. Again.

Really, the question is not "should I get a Masters degree" but "Should I skip my Masters and go straight to my Doctorate?" THere are arguments in favor of each course of action...

But you know me. I am giving it many, many sleepless hours. Well, only at night because I nap during the day. Because I am lazy.

At 8:05 AM, Blogger Ovonia Red said...

"So, as to your future--just how much money do you need, anyway? Seriously. You've never been responsible for a whole home of your own--is that a big issue/desire for you? Do you aspire to marriage? What sort of community do you want to end up in? How do you feel about teaching? Adults, or young people? How happy are you in an academic setting?"

There were other parts of the question that I forgot to answer. No, I do not aspire to marriage. Boys are, quite frankly, icky. And I don't like kids. They make me feel slightly homicidial.

At 7:29 PM, Blogger STAG said...

I think you should work in Quebec setting up the South Tower Armouring Guild Renaissance Faire. Pay is lousy, but you get to hang with really interesting people. You get to swim in your underwear in Lake Erie, and cage rides with Bill on his new motorcycle. In the winter, it will be all sleigh rides and hot rum toddies and skating that makes Hans Brinker's little canal look like the drainage ditch it really is. You are encouraged to travel, and visit Europe.


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