Phone

Every year, when Mom comes back to visit her parents, one of her jobs is to remove all the dead people from the speed dial.

Mom: So, who do you want on your speed dial?

Granny (looking at the phone): Well, we want Andy, and Andy's cell, and you, of course, and, well, Deirdre doesn't have a phone, not really, and...

Mom: Why don't you just make a list of all the people you want removed?

Granny: Well, okay. Good idear.

Granny (to Grandpa): So, who do we want to take off, now? Here, let me get this paper and write down the names. Now, we want Andy's phone. That's his cell, and that's... do we have his home phone?--yeah, there it is. Now, Pat, we have you on here, but the number doesn't work, I guess it's your old number.

Mom: I can change that for you.

Granny: Do you reckon we ought to add Gus?

Grandpa: Yeah, we should add him, if we can get a hold of his cell number.

Granny: Okay, I'll add that to the list. I'll just put another list on here, so, let's see, that's Andy, and Gus...

Mom: Mom, why don't you just have one list of the names you want off and another list of names you want me to add.

Granny: Well, okay, that's a good idear. I'll do that.

Granny: Well, here's Rowan's number.

Grandpa: Yeah, we want that.

Mom: Is it her house phone or her cell phone?

Granny: I don't know. We try this number and no one answers, then we try her cell number and there's an answer.

Mom: So you have her house number there.

Granny: Well, I guess. Yeah, that's her house number.

Mom: So I should probably change that to her cell number.

Granny: We have Mabel's number here.

Grandpa: She don't use that number--she has a new number now.

Granny: So we can take her off. Now, who do we want to replace her... let's see...

Granny (looking back at the phone): Oh, we have GJ's number--want to keep her on there, of course. Guess we should give her a call here, see how the Arizona bunch is doing.

Grandpa: Yeah, haven't talked to her in a while.

Granny: And Gene, we want to keep his number. He was so happy to see you the other night, Pat. He kept asking about you and Deirdre. He says it DEER-dra, you know like real hard on the DEER. And Matt is like Dee-Dru, real fast, it just sounds almost like Dee-Dee. I didn't know who he was talking about, and he said, "your granddaughter."

Granny: So, who else, Brownie. We need to take Brownie off. Brownie died.

Grandpa: Died of cancer.

Granny: Yeah, she fought that for years. She was scared to death about it, so she fought it hard. I talked to Belinda about Marge and they haven't got the final results yet. But they have this area in the lung, you see, it spread to the lung, but I don't think it's in the liver yet, so she's got a fighting chance.

Granny: We have Mark and Melinda here too...

Mom: Melinda?

Granny: Yeah.

Mom: Is it Melinda or Belinda?

Granny: Belinda.

Mom: Well, I never can tell when you say it. You slur it.

Mom: Guess we have to get that changed on your phone too.

Granny: Yeah, I reckon so.

Granny: Now, who do we want on here. Should we add our dentist? We could add your friend Margaret, Pat.

Mom: Do you cal her that often?

Granny: Well, no, not really.


And so on. You all get the picture.