Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Seasonal Retail

My friend, Auntie Em, asked me a while back what my co-workers at the well-known department store where I am conducting my holiday work/observations were like. My response was to recount something which had happened to me at work. She enjoyed the story so much that she suggested I post it on my 'blog.

Last week, I went to the break room to eat my lunch. There were three other employees there, eating their lunches and watching the local news on TV. I was starving (as usual), so most of my attention was focused on my food, but I was still aware of what was being reported on the news. One of the stories was of a dog that had, apparently, started a fire. A woman had been frying fish on her stove when she stepped out of her house to take the trash out. The dog had shut the door behind her, locking her out, and the unattended frying fish had started a grease fire. One of the department store employees wondered aloud if the insurance company would cover the fire. I, recognizing a set-up that a hundred comedians locked in a hundred comedy clubs for a hundred years would never be so lucky to get, made the obvious comment. I turned to the other women and said (come on now, say it with me. You know you want to), "I don't think insurance companies cover acts of dog." Instead of getting at least a groan, the other women turned to look at me like I had grown a third head.

Tough audience, apparently.

My other story illustrates perfectly the Christmas spirit. Well, the Christmas spirit as interpreted by Jerry Springer. A woman was shopping with her husband and mother-in-law, and she stopped to look at the expensive purse section (purses over $200). She spent quite a bit of time admiring one particular purse (perhaps with the hope that her husband would return to buy it for her). Anyway, the shopping party moved on. A while later, the mother-in-law returned and requested to see the same exact purse that her daughter-in-law was looking at. The woman looked the purse over for a few seconds, then decided to purchase it. Not for her daughter-in-law, but for herself. I bet holidays with that family are a laugh a minute.

My final story is actually kinda sweet and fits under the good men might actually exist category. I was working yesterday when I man came in to return a purse that he had bought for his wife. He said that he had thought he managed to fit all her specifications, but that the purse was still not quite right. He told me about how he had searched for the right purse for two weeks--and did I know how hard it was to find the right purse? (Uh, that's pretty much the same conversation I have with every woman who wanders into the purse department.) Anyway, he said, he had gotten to the point where he was looking at ladies handbags. I told him that if he saw one he liked, he ought to ask the woman where she had found it. He looked at me, eyes wide, and said, "Oh no. I'm never doing that again." Turns out he had seen a woman with the perfect purse and had asked her where she had bought it. The woman turned up her nose and looked down at him to huff that it was a Coach. Anyway, it is kinda gratifying to know that at least one man in the world has had a glimpse of the perils of purse shopping.


At 1:04 PM, Blogger STAG said...

I hope the woman has a dyslexic insurance agent.

At 5:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok no, I didn't know where the comment/joke was going, but it was a good one.
The Jerry Springeresque-Christmas trip was horrid. I choose to believe the daughter-in-law was pre-inspecting for the hapless mother-in-law. Yeah, that's the ticket... :)
And...*sigh* the Coach snobs. Yeah, they have nifty bags, but...if it helps distance me from the crowd, I took off the "COACH" leather fob on my zipper. Partly just 'cause my sister liked it, but partly to diminish the "ooh is that a COACH bag" queries.
Happy Holidays!

At 5:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And the "good men do exist" story also illustrates that "all the good men are taken." ;)

At 2:40 PM, Blogger STAG said...

A friend of mine complained recently that all the good men were married. And all GREAT men were gay.


Post a Comment

<< Home