This is how I spend my work day.

What follows is the e-mail conversation between four interns last Friday. We were hashing out carpool details. I have entered the world of superior academia, as you will soon see.

Each e-mail is preceeded by the initial of the person who sent it.

E: Shotgun!

Da: Everybody knows that shotgun can only be called upon visual confirmation of the craft. Please conform to the accepted rules.

E: I'll concede to that rule, so long as we also acknowledge the legitmacy of the "back-in-time shotgun" rule, which I will invoke in the event that, upon seeing said craft, someone else calls shoutgun first.

Da: Fine, but only if i can invoke the well known "lanky legs" clause which overrules all shotgun declarations, back-in-timed or not.

E: Ah yes, the "lanky legs" clause. My least favorite, especially since it goes hand-in-hand with the "stubby legs" clause which means I always have to sit bitch.

Z: I would also like to inroduce the shotgun challenge, which is accepted as legitimate in my car. While walking to the car, anyone who does not succesfully call shotgun has the right to "challenge" the shotgun caller. This challenge consists of 3 games of rock-paper-scissors. If the challenger defeats the shotgun caller in all 3 games, he or she gets shotgun for the ride. But if the challenger loses just one game, the originally shotgun caller retains shotgun privileges.

D (Me): I'm still waiting for someone to invoke the "I get violently carsick" shotgun clause, which, in my experience, trumps all other shotgun clauses.

Da: Violently carsick ALWAYS trumps all other shotguns. HOWEVER, it also earns the caller "sissy points." And trust me, you don't want those.

D (Me): I don't know about that. If you get enough sissy points you can redeem them for prizes, such as the "I have a flat tire and I don't know how to change it" assistance prize. You also have the added bonus of winning more sissy points every time you redeem them for a prize. And believe me, I know people who have built their entire existence on the collection and redemption of sissy points.

E: Agreed. I myself have accumulated an arsenal of "sissy points" which I've used to have 1) bugs killed; 2) heavy and not-so-heavy furniture moved; 3) ikea furniture assembled; 4) people come to my apartment instead of going to their's; 5) people go to bars/ restaurants that I prefer… the list goes on.


At this point, having wasted the entire morning, it was time to leave to go to lunch. We wound up taking two cars, so both E. and Da. got to ride shotgun.

But I still like my Dad's version of shotgun. This is where he calls shotgun, then sits in the back seat.