Saturday, October 29, 2005

Found the child bride:

Yeah, so what the hell am I talking about...
The child bride--of course! This goes back to the Pig Farmer, the Goober, and my crushed dreams of marrying a Russian hottie. Anyway, on a lark, I looked up Yarilo (the Russian Ensemble) on the internet. And did you know that there is a mail-order bride agency named Yarilo? Anyway, I found the group's homepage and immediately looked for pictures of the child bride. And here she is. And you all thought I was joking. Wait until I find pictures of Hoda (of the famous "Hoda down and hose 'er off" joke).

I know I promised that I would not post again until I had something funny to say. Well, this is funny. For me. And I'm probably the only one who will appreciate it. The Pig Farmer! Makes me laugh to this very day.

Meanwhile, I am sick. Must be getting close to Christmas time. At least it's not African dysentery this time. So I'm spending the weekend in. Though I need to decide it I want to chance it tomorrow night. I've been invited to a Halloween party. If I go I will need a costume. Shit. I'm thinking about picking up a curly, black wig and going as a fortune teller. Hmm.

So, I had a doctor's appointment Thursday morning. The VA has a clinic in Cambridge (about 30 miles from me) and, as I am transferring my care there, I had to go in for an initial check-up. And man, that doctor was nothing if not thorough. She looked at my ears, up my nose, and in my eyes. She informed me that I had snot all the way to my ears (though not in so many words) and told me she would put in a prescription for some Flonase. Then she listened to my lungs and pointed out the odd mole I have on my back:
"What is this? Have you had this looked at? Has anyone told you what this is?"
"Uhh, I had someone look at it about ten years ago. I was told that it is a halo, which is unusual on someone my age."
"Hmm," she said, "I'm going to send you to a dermatologist. Oh, you have more here. And some blemishes, which is probably because your cholesterol is high. High cholesterol can cause skin problems."
"Uhh, sure, okay."
"So less fried food. No more fast food."
"Yeah, actually, I-"
"Bread, rice, pasta-"
"Oh yeah! I eat a lot of that!"
"All bad."
And so it went. She pricked the bottom of my feet (to check for feeling) and wanted to know why I had such thick calluses. Did I go barefoot a lot? She checked my knees, and then informed that they were crap and that I should take it easy with the exercise because I was too young to have knee problems. Then she checked my breasts and told me I had lumpy breasts and that I needed a mamogram.
I left her office feeling somewhat dazed. I now have appointments to have blood drawn, to have a mamogram, to go to the women's health clinic, and to see a Psychiatrist (this last one I'm not looking forward to. I've had good experiences with the VA doctors and nurses, but the mental health care has, for the most part, been crap). She wants to check my cholesterol again and also check my thyroid. (Both my Mom and my Grandmother are convinced that there is something wrong with my thyroid, even though I had it checked when I was in the Army.) So.

In the past month I've had two people ask me if I am a Christian. Not in a conversion kind of way though. Very odd.

Hmm. And that is my life up to this point. I'm currently trying to decide if I want to read Stanley and Campbell or if I want to stick to Sherlock Holmes. Maybe I will save the Campbell and Stanley for when I am bored out of my mind in Ed Research. Yeah, I think that sounds like a plan.


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