Ahh, back in the Heartland...

I wish my family would just pull up roots and move to the East Coast. And not just because I don't like the two day drive from Maryland to Missouri/Illinois. As I have said before many a time, it is weeeiiirrrddd out here sometimes. Do you know that my fifteen and twelve year old cousins have never had quiche? That is still boggling my mind. And there is only ONE Indian restaurant in Springfield--the big city out here. One! I thought there were laws against only having one Indian restaurant in a civilized area!

But I've ben here about a week--so this reaction is all normal. I go through this every time I come out here. I love visiting with my family, but... Mom is the same way, only her tolerance is about ten minutes. And that is when she is in a good mood.

I know that I can be an insufferable east-coaster, but that is mostly in reaction to people out here. There is an arrogance that SouthWest Missourians have. For example, I went with my Grandmother to water aerobics a couple of years ago and all the other women there, once they found out that I was from the East, made a point of coming up to me and saying, "Isn't this nice? Isn't it really great that we have this here? We have a lot of neat things out here..." and so on. I, of course, kept my mouth shut, but I was like, "So?" It was like they felt the need to prove themselves to me, to let me know how great Ozark and SW Missouri is when compared to all other places in the world.

Oh, here is another one. Yesterday my Mom and I took Granny out to see The Bad News Bears. When we went up to the movie theatre window to buy tickets, the old woman behind the glass looked at Granny and told us that there was a lot of bad language in the movie. I just pointed to Granny and said, "Well, I learned all my vocabulary from her." Everyone laughed and it was cool, but on the East Coast you would NEVER say something like that because it would be viewed as a criticism of someone's movie choice. You know, "Shut the Fuck up and sell me the Fucking tickets, Bitch." Like, who are you to comment on my choice of movies?

Another one: I went to Olive Garden with my cousin a few days ago. The waiter, a guy probably nineteen years old or so, was asking us if we were on our lunch break (he was kinda creepy--my cousin said he thought we were lesbians--WTF?) My Cousin said that she was taking the afternoon off and I explained that I was visiting from Maryland. The waiter said that he had been to Ocean City and had meet some students from the University of Maryland (probably UMCP), but that it was "different" out there. I was like, "Well, I think it's a little different out here." And he started in on this whole thing about how Missouri was better because people were nicer, how they "wave to you." Meanwhile I was thinking how creeped out I would be if some old guy I didn't know started waving at me.

Oh, and just to finish venting: I have noticed that fear of terrorism is inversely proportionate to town and airport size. New Yorkers and Washington DC-ians really don't give a flying fuck. I go through BWI, National, or Dulles airports and security is what I consider a relatively sane level. But if I fly out of a smaller airport--Springfield or Roanake, VA--I am practically strip-searched. I've had luggage unpacked before my eyes--everything is suspicious to the security guards. I had one guard spend about two minutes examining a tampon (though that was pretty funny. When I finally told him what it was, he turned bright red and shoved it back in my purse. Probably didn't help that at this point I was laughing my ass off at him...)

Okay, vent over. I know my relatives are going to read this and not be pleased with me. All I can say is that, I love my family and I think SouthWest Missouri is really pretty, but I'm glad I was raised on the East Coast.